Quotable Quotes: Professor Sam Wang

 Professor Wang is a professor of neuroscience at Princeton University. He is also interested in fair election maps representation via the Princeton Gerrymandering Project and fair election cycles via the Princeton Election Consortium. I had a chance to speak with him prior to the November 2020 presidential election because I was coordinating a webinar for AlumniCorps where I volunteer as the NJ area committee co-chair. 

Anyway, the whole point of today's blog post is I asked if his organization would consider taking on an AlumniCorps fellow. I mentioned that our fellowships have minimum salary and benefit requirements, etc. We discussed a bit further, and he concluded with this pithy comment:

"One cannot say yes to everything."

It was unexpected, and it was perfectly succinct. It is an honest way to frame that the synergy isn't there just yet.

P.S. About a year later, his organization did sign on as an AlumniCorps partner!

"long arm of the law"

I never understood the meaning of "long arm of the law" and I continue to struggle with understanding this phrase when there are so many instances of people appearing to "get away" with bad behavior that isn't technically illegal. Are there any consequences outside the legal system? This next leads me to wonder how does a person learn what is right and what is wrong?

Favorite Things: Pentel erasers and eraser caps

I love products that make life just a little easier such as Pentel erasers - no more eraser streaks or torn paper! Then I discovered Pentel makes eraser caps from the same "hi-polymer" material - transformational! I'm no longer beholden to the inconsistent eraser quality that comes with a standard #2 pencil. These eraser caps are relatively inexpensive so it is easy to be generous and use them as a standard accessory even when the original eraser is intact.

Movement, part 2

So, the online "group personal training" class was good, however, I probably should have realized signing up for a class, in and of itself, was not going to motivate me to incorporate movement into my life. Sure, it will give me exercises to do, and that is good, but I am going to need to spend some time figuring out why I am so lazy about moving (i.e. doing some exercise) when I claim that I want to be able to keep moving as I age (get older)! Maybe it has something to do with why I stopped blogging for a while ... trying to make a plan around movement "perfect"?

The Happiness Advantage

I love the book "The Happiness Advantage" by Shawn Achor which I first discovered and read in July 2019. This book was part of my personal development "plan" (at the time, it was just reading interesting books, and has since evolved to a loosely structured self improvement / perpetual learning plan - it's amazing how much you can learn from books!) and influenced my thinking about positive psychology and "how you think affects how you feel." I find it so interesting that so many books, speakers and seemingly different ideas are all interconnected to this idea of "how you think affects how you feel," i.e. modern Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) and the Stoic philosophy of "Dichotomy of Control" - what is in your control and what is not in your control, and more.

Kindness

If I had to choose just one family value, it would be kindness. If you feel happy, it is easy to be kind. It's as simple as a kind word to a friend or a smile to a stranger. Being kind makes you feel good, and it makes the other person feel good too. Kindness builds connection between people, and is something you can practice until it becomes a part of the genuine you. Kindness builds upon kindness, and I believe the words "they are a kind person" is the highest compliment anyone could give.

A Personal Board of Directors

I think everyone needs a personal "board of directors." I first heard about this concept from the Coursera "Introduction to Personal Branding" MOOC (massive open online course) by Kimberley Barker of the University of Virginia (I highly recommend this course.)

Ms. Barker recommends choosing people who 1) you admire and respect, 2) care about you and want you to succeed and 3) will be honest with you. Having a personal board is a way for you to share what you are working on and getting feedback as to whether your goals are realistic, and accountability for following through on those goals.

Who is on your board?

Quotable Quotes: Henry Rollins, part 2

I wanted to revisit last week's short Henry Rollins clip where he says:

"Young person: you'll find in your life, that sometimes your great ambitions will be momentarily stymied, thwarted, marginalized, by those who were perhaps luckier, come from money, where more doors opened, where college was a given. It was not a student loan, it was something that dad paid for, to where an ease and confidence in life was almost a birthright, where for you, it was a very hard climb. You cannot let these people make you feel that you in any way have been dwarfed or outclassed. You must really go for your own and realize how short life is. You got what you got, so you got to make the most of it. You really can't spend a whole lot of time worrying about his. You really have to go for your own."

These words are powerful and a good reminder that there is always someone out there who is luckier in one or more aspects of their life, compared to you. So what? Go make the most of what you've got, and focus on yourself!

Google Calendar Sync

It's been a while since I learned about this Google Calendar sync "trick" - so I've forgotten a bit about the frustrations of not having my calendars sync across devices, which I solved when I discovered this link:

https://calendar.google.com/calendar/u/0/syncselect

Take a look and see what you think.

Favorite Things: Scribd

I am both frugal and skeptical, so when introduced to a new idea, I often question: "what's the catch?" or "what will go wrong?"

My situation is I wanted to listen to audiobooks, however, the public library, while having an impressive collection, did not always carry the titles I wanted. Amazon's Audible service had lots of titles, but you either had to purchase the title individually which was paying almost list price, or you bought credits in advance which was a little less expensive.

In researching alternative services, I came across Scribd which is like Netflix for books and audiobooks. It almost seemed too good to be true. For a fixed price, I could listen to or read as many books in their catalog as I wanted. I read mostly nonfiction (psychology, behavioral economics, time management, etc) and Scribd carried many of the titles I searched, so I signed up for a 30 day free trial. I don't understand their business model, but I feel like I get my money's worth of reading / listening for the annual fee. So I couldn't tell you "what's the catch."

All I know is it's been two years since I first signed up, and I just renewed my annual subscription to start my 3rd year, and I still love it. Here's a 60 day free trial link; if you end up signing up, I'll get a 30 day extension on my subscription.

Movement

I've decided I need assistance in working towards my body goal of movement, so I signed up for an online group physical training class through the Princeton Adult School. It starts next week and I had an introductory chat with the instructor about my goals. I'm not looking to become Mrs. Olympia/Universe. In brief, my goal is simply to be able to move without pain as I get older. Whereas before the pandemic, I used to walk most weekdays with a friend, I now need to overcome several years of inertia. And since I am currently working on my goal of life coaching, I figure I could use some coaching myself!

Extreme Ownership

I first learned of this book Extreme Ownership by Jocko Willink and Leif Babin because my son was listening to the audiobook. I started listening too, and I was hooked. I interpreted "extreme ownership" as: if you are a leader, and things go wrong, it is all your fault. This realization and acceptance was very liberating because if you accept ownership of the problem, this means you also have agency over the solution.

Another takeaway is the only meaningful test of a leader is whether a team succeeds or fails. There are two measures of a leader: effective or ineffective. The leader is fundamentally responsible for everything; that is extreme ownership.

Being right vs. being effective

I've been an elected school board member since January 2017 and it has been an interesting experience. As a perpetual learner, I make time for professional development and attending our state school board association's annual workshop.

I still remember a 2019 workshop session, where the presenters, Matt Lee from NJSBA and David Sarnoff from Loeb Leadership, asked: "Do you want to be right, or do you want to be effective?"

That was a powerful question in how it was framed, because there was turmoil on my local school board, and it seemed to me that some individuals were more interested in "being right" than "being effective," i.e. doing what was best for the students in our district. And, after reflecting on the question in relation to myself, I had to acknowledge that I too, often wanted to prove my point was "right." It is a question I continue to reflect upon and try to improve (see last week's post on ego.)

The question can be applied to all aspects of our lives. What is your individual or your organization's ultimate goal, and are your actions and/or the organization's actions moving you toward or away from that goal?

Vocal fillers

Vocal fillers are the "um", "uh", "you know" sounds that fill a person's speech when they are not sure what they are going to say next. Learning vocal fillers was a thing was transformational. Practicing to reduce vocal fillers is easier than you might think. The first step is awareness. The second step is watching this short video that has great tips!

Quotable Quotes: Henry Rollins & Captain America

I first heard this quote by Henry Rollins in Ryan Holiday's book "The Obstacle is the Way" and I really like it. I found it came from a Big Think interview from September 7, 2012 (the quote starts at minute mark: 2:20, and I recommend watching the entire clip which is a little over 4 minutes):

"People are getting a little desperate. They might not show their best elements to you. You must never lower yourself to being a person you don’t like. There is no better time than now to have a moral and civic backbone, to have a moral and civic true north. This is a tremendous opportunity for you, a young person, to be heroic, to be morally upstanding, to be helpful, almost Boy Scout-like, presidential, to be altruistic."

It's so important to know who you are, what you stand for, and hold steady. This reminds me of a quote by character Sharon Carter at Aunt Peggy's funeral in the movie Captain America Civil War:

"She said, compromise where you can. Where you can't, don't. Even if everyone is telling you that something wrong is something right. Even if the whole world is telling you to move. It is your duty to plant yourself like a tree, look them in the eye and say, No. You move."

Love it.

Start Where You Are, part 2

I was lucky enough to receive one-to-one coaching because I'm a member of The Collective. One of the first things my coach Diane Dean said when we discussed my goal of helping young people to develop into their best selves was "Start where you are" and "Sometimes we get in our own way." She suggested that I keep working on the mentoring that I was already doing to gain more experience as "phase 1" and then build my expertise by blogging (hello!) 

So here we are. And yes, even short blog posts count!

Favorite Things: garlic

We love garlic! Also, while Covid-19 = bad, one side effect of masking is that we are less likely to offend others with garlic breath!

In spring 2020, when the world shut down, I had the idea to investigate organic heirloom garlic. Costco's garlic is good, but since we also belonged to an organic community supported farm (they've since closed 😞), I knew that heirloom garlic was something special. Thus, an internet search led me to Keene Garlic and wow, so delicious. I bought 10 lbs, then another 10 lbs, then they were sold out and I found another organic garlic farm online, but it wasn't as good. So, in spring 2021, I pre-ordered 50 lbs of garlic, and we are now whittling away at the supply. It's true that some of the cloves are shriveled (we expected that), but most of them are still good, so we will see how much we order in 2022!

We weren't picky on types, and just asked for a variety; so far we have tried Music, German, Persian Star, Pehoski Purple and Chesnok Red.

Highly recommended.

Mind Body Soul, reflection

In 2021, I aimed to focus on three broad categories: Mind, Body and Soul.

How did I do?

Mind was great! I started 45 books and finished reading or listening to 28 books in 2021. That is a record for me! Most of the books were non-fiction "self-help" though there were some fun, easy to read, romance novels.

Body was so-so: movement was pretty much non-existent, sleep was reasonable and drinking water was pretty good. In 2022, I need to do something about adding movement to my routine!

Soul was pretty good: I explored lots of delicious chocolate and I enjoyed movies with my family via multiple streaming services.

I like these 3 broad goals, so I'll continue them in 2022.

Designing Your Life

I first learned about the Designing Your Life book through a Wall Street Journal essay by the book's authors, Stanford professors Bill Burnett and Dave Evans. I really like how this book is about giving readers a systematic process (a design process) to figure out their own well designed life, i.e. what works for me likely won't work for you. It's reframing the question "What do you want to be when you grow up?" into "Who or what do you want to grow into?" (page xx-xxi). The book shares five mind-sets and how to use them for life design: curiosity, bias to action (try stuff), reframing, awareness (it's a process) and radical collaboration (ask for help). I highly recommend this book and the authors offer many free online resources including pretty PDF worksheets!

Ego

We all have an ego. The question is whether our ego leads us, or if we recognize our ego and set it aside. Do we ask ourselves: "Why are we doing this thing? Is it for the benefit of the organization or is it for the benefit of myself?"

Jocko Willink talks about this concept in "Leadership Strategy and Tactics" (highly recommended) and I'll re-visit this in a future blog post.

Being kind to your future self

What can you do today to be kind to your future self? It could be something small, like stopping at the gas station when the tank is half empty, vs. waiting until the red light comes on. Or going to bed early vs. watching one more TV show. Recently, I thanked my previous self for taking the time to jot down a few notes about a financial transaction. I was amazed that, years ago, I had taken that extra five minutes, so I thanked my previous self for making tax day just a little easier.

What will you do to be kind to Future You?

Quotable Quotes: on power

I loved this Lord Acton quote when I first heard it because it felt like a good explanation for some personal observations:

"Power tends to corrupt and absolute power corrupts absolutely."

Except that I worried what that would mean for me if I were ever in a situation of power. Then I ran across this quote by Adam Grant in "Power Moves" and felt a lot better:

"Power doesn't necessarily corrupt. Power reveals on the outside was on the inside all along."

Lovely.

Start Where You Are

It's been almost a year since my last blog post. Sharing thoughts, life lessons is a goal for me, so I'm not sure why I didn't get back here. Maybe I was waiting for a sign? Or for things to be perfect? Or a perfect sign?

So here is a reminder to myself to "Start Where You Are" because you will be waiting a long time if you are waiting for things to be "perfect."

So I'm jumping in and starting where I am. Where will you start?